


The Only Thing Patton Hates

by Radioactivehelena



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Adorable Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Patton deserves more, Self-Projecting onto Characters? Heck Yeah, Social Anxiety, thomas sanders - Freeform, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 08:56:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15726126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radioactivehelena/pseuds/Radioactivehelena
Summary: is himselfPatton hated the way his hands trembled when he cried alone in his room late at night. Patton hated the way his tears left his eyes bright red and his cheeks stained. Patton hated the way he would fight with himself over whether or not he had embarrassed himself or whether or not he was worthy of love. Patton hated how he always ended up with the same answer.





	The Only Thing Patton Hates

Patton hated the way his hands trembled when he cried alone in his room late at night. Patton hated the way his tears left his eyes bright red and his cheeks stained. Patton hated the way he would fight with himself over whether or not he had embarrassed himself or whether or not he was worthy of love. Patton hated how he always ended up with the same answer.

  
He hated how he threw himself into friendships, genuinely trying his best. It was always _them_ who came first, their happiness and their well being. He tried, he tried so hard to be the best he could be, answering texts messages right away and forcing himself to be there for them. But Patton was weird. God he hated how passionate he had to be. How he had to push people away with his enthusiasm. He either talked to loud and with his hands too much or dressed to causal and didn't care enough about his appearance. Patton especially hated how he would jump up and down when excited, nearly screaming, unable to contain himself. Normal people didn't do that. He wasn't normal.

  
Patton hated how he had no friends. How he had never had a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Other teenagers his age might have had their first kiss, been going to big parties or staying up all hours of the night, hanging out with friends. Not Patton though, no he simply just wasn't enough for anybody. Sure their were a few people, but they were mostly there because of pity or to manipulate Patton. And Patton knew that. And he didn't mind. At least he had someone to call a friend, right?

  
God, Patton was tired. He hated the exhaustion that coursed through his veins and weighed him down. He couldn't help the depression naps, the urge to never leave his bed, his body too heavy to pick up his phone despite the thousands of people counting on him. Patton hated how he did that. How he let all his friends rant to him, but, in turn, never took up their offers to express his emotions back. He was too afraid they’d use it against him, afraid it would somehow come back and blow up in his face. But he was only human, and every time he did break down Patton hated how it ended in rushed apologizes and guilt sitting uncomfortably at the bottom of his stomach. Those people didn't deserve to have his problems piled upon themselves. They already had so much going on in their lives… Patton was just another burden.

  
Patton hated how he held everything in. How all of his problems were buried so deep that he was numb. Numb to the point where he was afraid to feel anything else. Afraid that one day, those walls he had worked so hard to build up would come crashing down. And then Patton would be left defenseless and broken.

  
And Patton hated how he avoided arguments like they were the plague. He was terrified of them. Scared of what they brought and the demons hidden within them. The second one would come up he would work his hardest to make it dissipate. He would apologize. Say sorry. Sorry was the only word in his vocabulary.

  
And when Patton truly did messed up, when he realized he did do someone wrong, he completely broke. All his hard work, for nothing. Patton knew he was a fuck up, he did, but he needed everyone else to think otherwise. He needed others to like him. He needed the reassurance. God he hated ho he needed the attention, but he did. He just needed someone to care.

  
Patton hated how he pushed people away. How he was uncomfortable with physical contact and craved it so strongly at the same time. He hated how he could barely hold a conversation and he hated how he stuttered his way through all his social interactions only to go home and analyze everything that went wrong.   
Patton hated the way his hands trembled when he cried alone in his room late at night. Patton hated the way his tears left his eyes bright red and his cheeks stained. Patton hated the way he fought with himself over whether or not he was worthy of love, and how he always came up with the same answer.

  
_Patton hated himself._

**Author's Note:**

> wow uh yeah   
> Tumblr is radioactivehelena


End file.
